Rules for Marriage | How to be Loving, Happy, and Holy

Rules for Marriage

Every marriage can be loving, caring, fulfilling, and even joyful. Follow these rules for marriage to have an amazing marriage.

While you are learning how to strengthen your marriage, I’m going to ask you to do something very hard for most people to do. These rules for marriage will not be hard, but they won’t be easy…

Don’t worry, I would not ask you to do it if I was not willing to do it myself.

These rules for marriage will make your marriage stronger, more loving, healthier, and make you both full of joy.

The Bible says that those who teach will be judged more strictly (James 3:1) and if I don’t follow what I’m teaching God will hold me accountable for not doing as I preach.

I am going to lay down some rules for marriage for each of you to follow as you read through these articles.

Trust me, if you follow these ground rules for marriage, you will change for the better. As you submit to the Lord you will see him at work in your marriage.

Left on our own, we will not change for the better.

We need the Holy Spirit to come upon each of us to changes us from the inside out because that is the only change that is lasting.

Use these rules for marriage to help build love in your relationship.


If you want to have a strong, loving, successful marriage, all you have to do is follow these rules for marriage:

  1. Focus On Changing Yourself, Not Your Spouse.
  2. Pray for the Lord to change you to be more like His Son Jesus Christ.
  3. Pray for the Lord to change your spouse to be more like His Son Jesus Christ.
  4. Pray the Lord will change your marriage so it reflects Christ as is it led by the Holy Spirit and biblical principles.
  5. If you see something in these articles that your spouse could benefit from learning, don’t tell them.  Instead, pray that the Lord will reveal it to him or her.

These rules for marriage came from the principles in the bible. The marriage rules in the bible really focus on us as individuals rather than our spouse.

The bible shows us that we are sinners and that we need to change. Also, the bible shows us that we cannot change anyone else.

As you read through the bible, you will see many similarities as these rules for marriage.

marriage rules from the bible

First rules for marriage : Only think about how to change yourself. Do not think about how it applies to your spouse.

“3Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Matthew 7:3-5 ESV

What Jesus is saying here is that it is easier for everyone to see a flaw in another person no matter how small it is.

In contrast, it is hard to see our own flaws even if they are as big as a log in our own eye. It can be that we choose not to acknowledge the log that is in our own eye because we don’t see it or are completely ignorant to it.

In other words, it is easier to see the fault in somebody else than to see it in yourself. As you read these marriage articles, fight to focus only on yourself and how YOU need to change.

Don’t think, “I hope my spouse reads this!

Pray the Lord changes you.

More than likely you would like to see change happen in your spouse. If so, pray for the Lord to do all the work in changing your spouse.

The only person you can change is yourself. You cannot change your spouse.

Leave it up to the Holy Spirit who can change all of us for the better.

I encourage you to flee from the temptation to read through the lens of how your spouse needs to learn and change.

No matter how much arguing, complaining, nagging, and provoking you do to try and make your spouse change, the change you receive will not be the one you desire. They will most likely become resistant, hard, and possibly resent you for not being loving or respectful.

As you try to change your spouse, you may be seen as a hypocrite doing exactly what you are saying they should not do.

Since you can only change yourself, only read this through the lens that it will help you to be a better spouse.

In the end, this should be your number one goal: To be a better spouse.

If you focus on yourself, and your spouse focuses on their self, marriage will get easier, better, and become more of a blessing. The way to do that is to seek to outdo each other in service to the marriage and each other using these rules for marriage.


Second rules for marriage : Pray for the Lord to change you to be more like His Son Jesus Christ.

“7Consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy, for I am the Lord your God.”
Leviticus 20:7 ESV

The Lord created a path for us to follow in how we can be Holy as He is Holy and that is by becoming imitators of Jesus Christ.

The goal for every Christ follower is to be more like God’s Son Jesus Christ.

We are all called to abide in Christ and the ultimate goal for every married person should be to be a more Christ-like spouse in your marriage.

Jesus Christ never did anything wrong. He never acted out of pride, never lied to cover up something He did, and never sinned.

If we strive to be like Jesus Christ and refrain from sinning in our marriage, we will be blessed by the Lord because the Lord blesses those whom He loves.

God intended you to be Holy as He is Holy. As you become more like His Son, you will become more and more like the spouse the Lord intended.

As you become the spouse the Lord intended you to be, your marriage becomes the covenant the Lord intends it to be.

With that comes all His blessings, desires, and righteousness for the both of you. The Lord wants you to be holy as He is holy and the only way to do that is to be more like Christ.


Third rules for marriage : Pray for the Lord to change your spouse to be more like His Son Jesus Christ.

“6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”
James 1:6-8 ESV

You cannot change your spouse no matter how hard you try. Marriage rules in the bible are always going to be the best thing for your marriage. Since the Word of God is our foundation, we must stand on it and strengthen our marriage.

You can leave subtle hints, use circumstances, or be direct and nagging to your spouse to get them to change but these will never work.

The only person that will help your spouse to change is the Holy Spirit and their own desire to do so.

If you pray for your spouse to be like God’s Son Jesus Christ, then the Lord will bless your prayers and call your spouse to Himself.

Once that happens the Holy Spirit will convict your spouse and be the agent for change inside of them.

I can attest to the power of prayer in my marriage and how each of us has prayed for change in one another.

Without sharing too much about our personal prayers for growth in each other, my bride and I can attest to the fact that very personal prayers have been answered by the Lord.

I have personally prayed for my bride on 3 different occasions for her to change/grow in our marriage.

Some prayers took years to affect change and some months.

In both cases, I sought the Lord for His will in our marriage, asked Him if He approved of my prayers and then proceeded to pray for change.

Each time I did this, the Lord answered my prayer for change in my bride. The other times I prayed for change in my spouse, the Lord changed me instead. In both cases, my prayers were answered.

I have been fully blessed because He answered according to His will and not my own. For my marriage, I applied marriage rules in the bible to my life and found my marriage get better and better.

God gave me what I needed and not what I wanted. Since I used these rules for marriage, we became closer, and more in love.

Remember when you pray for a change in your spouse, pray as Jesus did the night before He was crucified. Pray for the Lord’s will be done, not yours.

“41And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, 42saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.””
Luke 22:41-43 ESV

Fourth rules for marriage : Pray the Lord will change your marriage so it reflects Christ as is it led by the Holy Spirit and biblical principles.

“13When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. 14He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. 15All that the Father has is mine; therefore I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you.”
John 16:13-15 ESV

The Lord desires to bless your marriage and make the unit conform to His will and be fully devoted to him. The Holy Spirit is your guide and helper who will lead you both into sanctification with the Lord.

Your marriage will be made holy as you follow the Lord’s commands for your marriage.

As you seek to continually fulfill the covenant you made with God and your spouse, God will make the Word become a lamp to your feet and a light to your path.

Just like the Holy Spirit will change you from the inside, He will change your spouse from the inside and likewise, your marriage.

If your marriage is struggling and you feel as though hope may be lost, the Holy Spirit is there for you. Read the bible together.

Husbands, read the bible to your wife.

Have faith that He will change both of you to be led by the Lord and be fully devoted Christ followers.


Fifth rules for marriage: If you see something in these articles that your spouse could benefit from learning, don’t tell them.  Instead, pray that the Lord will reveal it to him or her.

It will be tempting when you find something that you believe applies to your spouse and you believe they need to learn.

You may want to show them this section and try to prove your point that they need to change. I can tell you from firsthand experience, this is the last thing you want to do.

The more you nag, complain, and criticize, the more obstinate and resistant your spouse will become. This may prove to actually be detrimental to your relationship.

In another article, I share how God changed my decision about how we would be schooling our children through my praying wife.

Also, I have personally witnessed growth in my wife through my prayers with the help of the Holy Spirit.

So pray the Lord will be the change agent in your lives and that the Holy Spirit will come upon each of you make your marriage more glorifying of God.

Rules for Marriage | How to be Loving, Happy, and Holy
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