Usually, the word intimacy leads people to think of physical intimacy through sex. While this is one type of intimacy, there are others that will build lasting love in your marriage. Intimacy brings a closeness that cultivates love and builds marriages up. The intimate definition is a close personal relationship with another person.
Intimate Definition in Marriage is a Close Personal Relations with Your Spouse
Along with physical intimacy, there are 5 types of intimacy you should implement into your marriage. Since there are five types of intimacy, there needs to be a balance of all types without losing out on the others. As you implement these into your marriage, seek to do at least one of these types of intimacies each day.
Every marriage is different. What works for one may not work for another. Take time to discuss with your spouse how to best implement these five types of intimacy into your marriage that fulfills both of your needs.
Physical Intimacy Is More Than Just Sex
Physical intimacy is more than just sex but it is the thing most people relate to physical intimacy. There is also plenty of non-sexual intimacy that couples can do. Cuddling, holding hands, long hug or embrace, even a foot massage. Husbands often times feel as though physical intimacy should lead to sex. For wives, this is not always the case and can even be a source of frustration for wives.
Husbands should emphasize the word intimacy when they think of sexual intimacy. Usually, men use intimacy to get to sex and women use sex to get to intimacy. Sexual intimacy should be a time of service for each spouse to serve the other and be united together physically and enjoy the blessing of sex together in service to each other.
Wives should understand that most husbands need a physical release that only comes through sexual intimacy. Husbands were created with the need to have a physical release of semen that their wives are the ones to help with that release. Without the release, the husband will feel “bottled up” and may even look to have this physical release without his wife. It could be through pornography or even with another woman. Guard your marriage by being there for your spouse through physical intimacy when he or she needs it.
For all wives, here is a good saying to remember:
“If it has been a week, it has been too long; Even if I think he has done something wrong.”
Emotional Intimacy Is About Communicating With Your Spouse
Emotional intimacy is communicating emotional feelings, desires, deep secrets, frustrations, and other personal aspects about yourself to your spouse. Wives tend to be more expressive of their emotions than husbands and are able to communicate their emotions/feelings better than husbands. Husbands find it hard to relate to emotional intimacy since they are wired to think more concretely and do not have a vocabulary necessary for a deep emotional conversation.
Wives need to realize this about their husbands and extend some grace to them as they try to be there for them emotionally. Because husbands are usually problem solvers, when their wife shares problems they are having with them through emotional intimacy, the husband feels as though he needs to protect his bride as well as fix a problem. This is most likely not the case and the wife only need to be listened to.
To help with this confusion, it is very helpful for wives to work with their husbands to develop times, situations, etc. where they can have emotional intimacy. It could be a time where the kids are asleep and the wife says to her husband, “I want to share some things with you and I just need you to listen. I don’t need any answers, just someone to listen.”
Husbands, just like how you need a physical release, wives need an emotional release of their feelings toward you. Wives must be able to have emotional intimacy with their husbands. Without emotional intimacy, wives will begin to feel “bottled up” and need to release their emotions on someone else. This can lead wives to search out other ways have emotional intimacy and may be with other men. Facebook, relationship websites, co-workers, casual friends, etc. can be a danger to marriages that do not have emotional intimacy.
Intellectual Intimacy is Growing Together in Knowledge and Understanding
Intellectual intimacy is the growing together through mutual knowledge and understanding. This can come through discussion, working through thought provoking issues, or even problem solving together. These discussions can be light hearted or very deep and thoughtful. The key is to grow together as you live your lives.
Even though you may feel that you know everything about your spouse, or may know very little, there is always something to learn and or discover about your spouse. Even if you believe you already know your spouse and can read them like a book, experience intellectual intimacy is a great way to build a commonality between you and your spouse.
Conversations about politics, TV shows or movies, or how to split an atom, are all ways for you to learn about your spouse and grow together intellectually.
Spiritual Intimacy is Building Up Each Other in God
Spiritual intimacy is a building up of each other in learning about God and His desires for your marriage. While similar to intellectual intimacy, it adds the aspect of a third person into your marriage. God, being the third person, is connected with you and your spouse because of the covenant you made with your spouse.
When a married couple searches out the things of God together, they grow in their understanding and knowledge about God while becoming spiritually intimate. The bible says to “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” And you should do that with your spouse. Search the ways of God together.
Start with things you both can agree upon, not the things you disagree about. When you disagree “walls” tend to be built up between you and your spouse. If you focus on what you agree upon, you will find it is much easier to agree upon other things. It is best to view your spouse as a friend and not an enemy. If you view them as a friend, you can grow together spiritually together.
Recreational Intimacy is Playing Together with Your Spouse
Recreational intimacy is when you and your spouse play together and build lasting memories. These memories come from experiences, and those experiences come from doing fun things with your spouse. Think of some fond memories of you and your spouse when you were dating. Most likely they are things that you did together. Now that you are married, you may not make the time to create new experiences with your spouse because life can just fly by.
These recreational experiences do not have to be trips to Italy, or extreme sports, but it can be anything you both enjoy doing together. While these absolutely build memories, going for walks around the neighborhood 3 times a week will also build memories. Playing board games together or even sitting in the back yard around a little fire pit can be a time of recreation.
The main thing is that both of you enjoy each other’s company and share experiences together.